Marriage is not a fairytale like TV portrays it to be. I met my future husband in high school. After high school we dated, broke up, you know the routine.. He wanted to be in control of his life and mine, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I thought he loved me because he was “concerned” about what I did and who I did it with. I really didn't know any better because I had not been taught the signs of an abuser
At 26 years old, I married him. Many of you may question why I married him in the first place. I thought I knew what love was, but I had no clue. Love was a word. Growing up in a small town, people married right out of high school and had children. Kids were not raised to have dreams and visions for themselves. College degrees were rarely discussed, although there were a few people who managed to break free from the cycle. Grownups started asking who you were dating at a young age because that was how they were raised. Basically, the relationship had become familiar. I thought marriage was just the next logical step in life.
Children were always a part of my heart. Growing up, I always wanted to be a mother. I was shocked when I found out I was going to be the mother of twins in 1989. They stayed in the hospital for 3 months. (Go to my daughter's blog Making my Mark to read about that part of our journey. It's a three part series)
My husband was a verbal and physical abuser. Nothing I did was good enough or ever right. I came from a religious background, so I was taught a divorce was not even in the picture. How warped is that? My parents were taught that once you were married, you stayed married. The teaching was based on Malachi 2:16, which says, "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel...they usually stopped at that part. But if you keep reading, it gives you a clearer picture of what God was saying "..and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith" (NIV). Malachi was condeming Hebrew men [God was speaking of divorces motivated by lust because the Hebrew men wanted to marry more attractive women and He was talking about divorces that involved abandonment of women who had been faithful, loving partners though years of married life]. It's amazing how often the Bible is taken out of context. So I stayed because of what I was taught, and it just got worse. My husband was on drugs and that just escalated everything. To make a long story short, In 1997 the volcano erupted.
I was cooking chicken one night and, all I said was, "Supper is ready" or something similar and something triggered the anger within him. He took the pan of food and threw it outside. He started hitting me in the head on both sides and pounding my ears. I tried to escape through the front door, he pulled me by the hair of the head until I was back inside. The hitting continued. It was almost as if his anger was giving him a superhuman amount of energy to continue on his rampage. My son, who was 7 at the time was there also, and my husband made him go outside during all of this.
There he was standing outside the door almost as if time stood still. He could still see some of what was going on. The hitting continued, until a little truck with two men pulled up in the yard and broke his concentration. I was able to slip from his grip and go to where my vehicle was. My husband threaten to shoot the men if they did not leave. I begged them not to leave, I said, "Just let me and my child ride in the back of your truck." My husband got furious and started yelling, he was ready to attack them, they ended up leaving.
Me and my son were almost free from the torment. I started to get in my car and my son on the other side, when I realized I had left my keys in the house. I thought I was trapped with no way out. I snapped out of my fear when I looked into my son's precious face. His life and future hung in the balance. I had to find a way out of this prison.
So, the only way to be able to get out of there was to get my son to go in and get them. My heart was ripped in two. I hated having to send my son back in the house to get those keys, but I knew if I went in there I wouldn't make it out alive.
My husband pleaded with me, saying, "I'll never do it again. Please don't go." For those of you who have never experience abuse, the abuser will always say I will never do it again. They will promise you the world in the moment only to have the world crash down around everyone when they go into a fit of rage again.
"I just want my keys, I said sternly. You let *Daniel go in and get those keys. I'm leaving," I said sternly.
*Name has been changed to protect the innocent.
To be continued...
At 26 years old, I married him. Many of you may question why I married him in the first place. I thought I knew what love was, but I had no clue. Love was a word. Growing up in a small town, people married right out of high school and had children. Kids were not raised to have dreams and visions for themselves. College degrees were rarely discussed, although there were a few people who managed to break free from the cycle. Grownups started asking who you were dating at a young age because that was how they were raised. Basically, the relationship had become familiar. I thought marriage was just the next logical step in life.
Children were always a part of my heart. Growing up, I always wanted to be a mother. I was shocked when I found out I was going to be the mother of twins in 1989. They stayed in the hospital for 3 months. (Go to my daughter's blog Making my Mark to read about that part of our journey. It's a three part series)
My husband was a verbal and physical abuser. Nothing I did was good enough or ever right. I came from a religious background, so I was taught a divorce was not even in the picture. How warped is that? My parents were taught that once you were married, you stayed married. The teaching was based on Malachi 2:16, which says, "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel...they usually stopped at that part. But if you keep reading, it gives you a clearer picture of what God was saying "..and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith" (NIV). Malachi was condeming Hebrew men [God was speaking of divorces motivated by lust because the Hebrew men wanted to marry more attractive women and He was talking about divorces that involved abandonment of women who had been faithful, loving partners though years of married life]. It's amazing how often the Bible is taken out of context. So I stayed because of what I was taught, and it just got worse. My husband was on drugs and that just escalated everything. To make a long story short, In 1997 the volcano erupted.
I was cooking chicken one night and, all I said was, "Supper is ready" or something similar and something triggered the anger within him. He took the pan of food and threw it outside. He started hitting me in the head on both sides and pounding my ears. I tried to escape through the front door, he pulled me by the hair of the head until I was back inside. The hitting continued. It was almost as if his anger was giving him a superhuman amount of energy to continue on his rampage. My son, who was 7 at the time was there also, and my husband made him go outside during all of this.
There he was standing outside the door almost as if time stood still. He could still see some of what was going on. The hitting continued, until a little truck with two men pulled up in the yard and broke his concentration. I was able to slip from his grip and go to where my vehicle was. My husband threaten to shoot the men if they did not leave. I begged them not to leave, I said, "Just let me and my child ride in the back of your truck." My husband got furious and started yelling, he was ready to attack them, they ended up leaving.
Me and my son were almost free from the torment. I started to get in my car and my son on the other side, when I realized I had left my keys in the house. I thought I was trapped with no way out. I snapped out of my fear when I looked into my son's precious face. His life and future hung in the balance. I had to find a way out of this prison.
So, the only way to be able to get out of there was to get my son to go in and get them. My heart was ripped in two. I hated having to send my son back in the house to get those keys, but I knew if I went in there I wouldn't make it out alive.
My husband pleaded with me, saying, "I'll never do it again. Please don't go." For those of you who have never experience abuse, the abuser will always say I will never do it again. They will promise you the world in the moment only to have the world crash down around everyone when they go into a fit of rage again.
"I just want my keys, I said sternly. You let *Daniel go in and get those keys. I'm leaving," I said sternly.
*Name has been changed to protect the innocent.
To be continued...
